South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This baby is an asshole
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
