I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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