I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
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Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
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If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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