i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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