Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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