awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
