my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize