Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
you inspire me to be a worse person
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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