mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
