I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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