you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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