My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
