I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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