LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
