I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
