yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
