I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
too bad you live with your parents still
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me