I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.