Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?