1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches