u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.