3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
