Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
