hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
