Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
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Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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