im about as happy as oj after his trial
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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