I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
