Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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