saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
