apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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