What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
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got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
So squirting runs in the family.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
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I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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