He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
