It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
