ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
