I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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