Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
