And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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