I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
