38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wish my penis had a tongue
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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