So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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