i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize