Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
