i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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