I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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