I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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