so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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