god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
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he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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