Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
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I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
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If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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