yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
