I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
