You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
