Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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