Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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