Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
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that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
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I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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