Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
