My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
