My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
