i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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