this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
